It's not easy.
No one said it would be. Raising a child is hard enough. Let's just throw in a neurological disorder to boot. I really didn't know there was anything "wrong" with my son until my daughter was born. I thought that he just was a kid that didn't like to sleep, and he just played really rough. But alas, it hit me one day when he had his 3rd 45 minute tantrum in a row that really was just triggered by me turning on the light switch. Let's just say, more than just that bulb switched on.
But he was just 3. Somehow, he could be right? I mean, my kid couldn't be the 1 in a hundred, right?
I made the appointment, and the nicest doctor evaluated him, well, what she could anyway. I mean, he was 3. After a couple of sessions, the call came. She didn't want to say it. I had to say it. Her "yes" was all it took.
Sensory Processing Disorder and Asperger's Syndrome. Or in one word. Autism.
That was it. The years of tantrums and lack of sleep. The eating of dirt, paper, everything but food. The soy and wheat allergy I didn't know he had. All of it, explained in a simple "yes."
There were times after the diagnosis when I was literally dragging a child kicking and screaming into a grocery store, just because the actual act of being in a place like that was absolute agony.
Birthday parties? Nope.
Playdates? Unless you want my kid to punch your kid in the face because he took my kid's train. Not a chance.
The hardest thing I ever thought I would ever have to do is trust him. I know, it sounds crazy right. This moment came when my husband retired from the Army and we moved back home to Florida. This meant being around family, which also meant having to explain "why" he is the way he "is." I have had so many people tell me that I need to prepare him for life, and he needs to learn to fit in. Well, yes. In the process of being on special diets and going to therapy 3 times a week, he has. He has fit in more ways than I could have ever dreamed. Everyone is on the whole natural and unprocessed foods kick. Well, he was hip before hip was cool, because he has never eaten most of those things (but he does love hot dogs). Paleo? We've got THAT covered.
In all of this I have realized that everyone, including me, have been trying to change and mold him to fit what we think is right. I have decided to be more like him. He lives life with passion and meaning, even if it is just Angry Birds. When he actually hugs you, he hugs like he never wants to let go. He only says he loves you if he means it. He is strong, and so smart. He is learning to cope in this world of ours (like not hitting when he is angry). Maybe if we all took a second to live it his way, we might take things a little slower, walk barefoot, eat a few more apples and a lot less mac and cheese, we would be healthier, happier, and a lot more understanding.
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